CHEMICAL LOVE STORY

THIS MESSAGE I GOT FROM MY FRIEND I THOUGHT I SHOULD SHARE THIS POEM TO MY FRIENDS SPECIALLY CHEMISTRY LOVERS
ENJOY

Na Chemistry Hoti Na Love Hota

Na Chmistry hoti na main Student hota

Na ye Lab hoti Na Ye Accident Hota

Abhi Practical main ayee nazar Ek Larki

Sundar thi Naak Us ki Test Tube Jaisi

Baton main Us ki Glucose ki Mithas thi

Sanson main Ester ki Khushboo bhi sath thi

Aankhon se jhalakta tha kuch is Tarah ka Pyaar

Bin Piye hi ho jata hai Alcohol ka Khumar

Benzene sa hota tha Uski Presence ka Ehsaas

Andhere main hota tha Radium ka Ahsas

Nazrain mileen, reaction hua

Kuch is tarah Love ka Production hua

Lagne lage Us ke Ghar ke Chakkar aise

Nucleus key charon taraf Electron hon jaise

Us din hamare Test ka Confirmation hua

Jab us ke daddy se hamara Introduction hua

Sun kar hamari baat wo aisay Uchal pari

Ignesiun Tube main jaise Sodium Bharak

uthe Wo boli, Hosh main aao, Pahchano apni Auqat

Iron mil nahin sakta kabhi Gold ke saath

Ye sun ker Tuta hamare Armanon Bhara Beaker

Aur hum Chup rahay Benzaldehyde ka Karwa Ghoont pee ker

Ab us ki yadon ke siwa hamara Kam chalta na tha

Aur Lab main hamare Dil ke siwa kuch jalta na tha

Zindagi ho gayee Unsaturated Hydrocarbon ki Tarah

Aur ham phirte hain Awara Hydrogen ki Tarah

Killing English

Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigerette... ? "

Class teacher once said : " pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

once Hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to America.."

"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

Dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....

It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said " why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

Teacher in a furious mood... write down ur name and father of ur name!!

"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

My manager started like this "Hi, I am Pinky, Married with two kids"

"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board

"will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"

LIBRARIAN SCOLDED ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

Chemistry HOD comes and tells us.... "My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code.. "I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class.. "Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

Girls profiles taken from shaadi . com

Ultimate.... ......... ....I bet u can't stop laughing. These are Girls profiles taken from shaadi . com These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail...

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- Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore.. if u like me u welcome to my heart...when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter..Thanks yours Regards Sowmya
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i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework (Wut Homework?)
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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i.Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!! (The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
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i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life because of my lucknow i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot (I don't know why but this is one of my favorites) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast (by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION 3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH. (all of us are loughing {laughing})

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whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)

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i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok (I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
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i am pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother sister completely married (somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely' ?)~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes (height of desperation! )
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i am kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.(No comments)

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hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily. i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ... (but credit cards not accepted..?? ?)~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service. (Zebra..???)

20 Rules in any office

1. Rule 1. - The Boss is always right.

2. Rule 2. - If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.

3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.

4. Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.

5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

6.. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

7. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.

8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

9. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it...

12. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

13.. Following the rules will not get the job done.

14. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

15. Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous" .

16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing..

18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.

19. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.

20. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE

Ø Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Ø Speak only in a "robot" voice.
Ø Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
Ø Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Ø Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for violating your airspace".
Ø Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
Ø Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Ø Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
Ø Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Ø Drum on every available surface.
Ø Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Ø Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
Ø Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Ø Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Ø Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
Ø As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ø Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Ø Sing along at the opera.
Ø Ask people what gender they are. Laugh loudly after their answer.

MEAN WHAT YOU SAY !!!

“Priya, I’m Leaving,” says Raj as he leaves for work. She runs out but he is already gone. She spends the whole day assuming that Raj left annoyed because he spoke with authority & left without waiting for her. She does not make time to check & things go worse in that silence.

Often you end up sharing such a frame with family, boss or friends in a lifetime, little realizing the magic of communication & the need to bring clarity. But as a day’s activity if you sit to make a list of miscommunications you have had, you will end up writing down at least five. It might be something the milkman said or the best friend pointed out. In other words, how often do you misinterpret what has been said or done, just because you do not know how to communicate properly or got the other person terribly wrong ?

In the end you make assumptions based on your own, perhaps in a narrow perspective & not take into account what others might be feeling or thinking. Even, you forget the fact that they have had a bad day or they were lost in thought so they failed to respond to you or did not think before they spoke. There are many ways in which you can interpret a simple statement by changing the emphasis on a particular word. The slightest change in your tone, facial expression or the body language in general, can find you conveying a totally different meaning to others.

Effective communication is thus all about conveying your messages to other people clearly & unambiguously, and to clear all the air of confusion & conflicts. It is also about receiving information that others are sending to you, with as little distortion as possible & it involves effort from both the sender of the message & the receiver. In fact how to communicate is something you need to learn early on in life & with time you become better & better at it. But if you miss the bus or do not know how to do it properly or get it wrong, it can lead to poor communication throughout the rest of your life. The end result will be, you may get into bad habits of thinking, brooding & hurting yourself & loved ones around you. The discomfort that you feel ends in a suffocating self-imposed silence to avoid conflicts or argument.

Mastering the skills of talking & saying what you feel is important in maintaining good relationships, not only in your personal life but also with the people you interact with at different situations. If you cannot tell someone how you feel, it is not right on your part to expect them to know what is going on. Finally we are just mortal beings, not trained in mind reading. To a great extent, your interpretation of the world around you is dependent on your background, behaviour, customs, practices, beliefs & values; and is also the case of people you communicate with. The roots are so deep in your growing up that it influences the 5Ws & 1 H of Why, What, When, Where, Who & How, you think. Before you end up being myopic & conclude & pass a judgement on people, tell yourself to get a clear picture.

Once you have decided to open up as a primary rule, lock your ego in the shelf & and accept what others have to say, think or feel about what you said; & when this reality bites do not be judgemental. Time has always been a healer & as minutes, hours, days go by, things fall in place. Above all, along with being genuine, be honest too. Also tell yourself, “When in doubt ask to clear the air”. It takes hardly anything if you ask & understand something correctly. At least you can keep the understanding that can arise from the assumption you have made about what has bee said or meant at bay. Again, in communication along with speaking, listening is equally important. But listening should not be for the sake of it. Before you jump the gun, listen to what others are saying. For a while, forget about how you might be feeling, and try putting yourself in their shoes.

Be it the office or home, work or something personal, if you feel the need to say something that is important or bogging you down, squeeze out time to free your mind & then discuss it. At the end of the discussion it should not be more confusion & misunderstanding caused by a cluttered mind. Your existence is as unique as the people around you. While living in harmony the universal principle remains live & let live. Remember, people are not out to get you; if you think something is amiss, give them the benefit of doubt & a chance to clarify. It is easy to spoil relationships but building one is the art of communication.

Cyclic confusion

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad,so make arrangement.
Secretary makes call to Husband: For a week my boss andI will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is goingabroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is givingprivate tution: I have work for a week, so you neednot come for class.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for aweek I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Letsspend the week together.
Grandpa make call to his secretary: This week I amspending my time with my grandson. We cannot attendthat meeting.

Secretary make call to her husband: This week my bosshas some work, we cancelled our trip.
Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spendthis week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is givingprivate tution: This week we will have class as usual.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, myteacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry Ican't give you company.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry thisweek we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .

Every day here you come walkingI hold my tongue,

I don't do much talkingYou say you're happy

and you're doin' fineWell go ahead,

baby, I got plenty of time

Sad eyes never lieSad eyes never lie

Well for awhile I've been watching you steadyAin't gonna move

'til you're good and ready

You show up and then you shy away

But I know pretty soon you'll be walkin' this way

Sad eyes never lieSad eyes never lie

Baby don't you know I don't care

Don't you know that I've been there

Well if something in the air feels a little unkind

Don't worry darling, it'll slip your mind I know you think you'd never be mine

Well that's okay, baby, I don't mind

That shy smile's sweet, that's a fact

Go ahead, I don't mind the act

Here you come all dressed up for a date

Well one more step and it'll be too late

Blue blue ribbon in your hair

Like you're so sure

I'll be standing there

Sad eyes never lie Sad eyes never lie

If you want this song plz email me :::

Cutest Prayer

A Letter to Ex-Girlfriend

Dear XYZ,
Thanks for being my love for one and half years, when you receive this letter I believe you might have selected a new boy friend and started enjoying your dating. Every lovers needs to struggle a bit to get a boy friend or girl friend.


In order to recover your missing, I got another girl from next street & as you know this is my forth love, from all my past experiences I have learned a lot. When the love blossoms everyone starts writing love letters, you know very well… I have written many love letter to you , and writing a love letter in poetic way is not so easy nowadays , and it's a time consuming work, In order to avoid all this I need all my lover letters back so that I can put corrector and send to my new girl friend , please send it back to me , I don't have poetic references or any photocopy of these letters.


Another thing , I have given you one cute photo of mine , can you send it to me please , you know better that this is the only photo I look very cute & handsome and this photo I have taken when I was in my very first love. And also, during my 1 ½ years of love days I have spend lot of monies for impressing you , I am attaching a list of expenses which I request you to clear it at the earliest.


The expenses are as follows:

Lunch / Dinner 895
Cool Drinks 2938
Snacks 5645
Juice 3845
Cinema 1235
Internet Chatting 1499
Mobile 2546
Petrol 4255
Gift Items 7850
Grand Total : 30,708 rs (in Words : Thrity Thousand Seven Hundred and Eight Rupees).


Please try to clear the above amount so that I can spend these monies on my new girl friend, and more over if you have any of my gift lying with you, am ready to take these packs in half prices. Please calculate the value of packs left over and deduct it from the above statement of account.
I am enclosing herewith your love letters (Weigh around 4 Kg) so that you no need to write again to your boy friend and your photo so that you can give to your new BF.

Banshee...

Here are the stills of my upcoming short movie ::: BANSHEE

Golden Facts

1. God is real, unless declared integer
2. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.
3. Death is hereditary.
4. There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
5. An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
6. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
7. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
8. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
9. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
10. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
11. Well done is better than well said.
12. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
13. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
14. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
15. Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.
16. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die .

Despair

Hi this is a small film made by me originally . Please turn on the speakers before starting the film. Film is based on negative human expressions. Here particularly "Despair".
The soundtrack taken is from the Japanese anime series "Jigoku shoujo : Girl from Hell"
Please see the end credits of the movie for more information.

Little Bobby

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
**************
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.
I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
**************
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,
So he tore up the letter and started over.
**************
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like
a red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
Your friend,
Bobby
**************
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
**************
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
**************
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
**************
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,
Bobby
**************
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church.
Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.
Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if anyone was there.

Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.
**************
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!

A Daugther's letter to her Father

Father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Steve because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Steve and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Steve said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Steve is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?
Steve has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Steve taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Steve can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,
Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".
Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS:
Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.
I love you!
Your loving daughter, Rosie

Scholar

A young man who went overseas to study for quite a long time. When he returned, he asked his parents to find him a religious scholar or any expert who could answer his 3 Questions.
Finally, his parents were able to find a scholar.

Young man: Who are you? Can you answer my questions?

Scholar: I am one of God willing, I will be able to answer your questions.

Young man: Are you sure? A lot of Professors and experts were not able to answer my questions.

Scholar: I will try my best, with the help of God .

Young Man: I have 3 questions:

1. Does God exist? If so, show me His shape.

2. What is fate?

3. If Devil was created from the fire, why at the end he will be thrown to hell that is also created from fire. It certainly will not hurt him at all, since Devil and the hell were created from fire. Did God not think of it this far?

Suddenly, the Scholar slapped the young man's face very hard.

Young Man(feeling pain): Why do you get angry at me?
Scholar: I am not angry. The slap is my answer to your three questions.

Young Man: I really don't understand.
Scholar: How do you feel after I slapped you?

Young Man: Of course, I felt the pain.

Scholar: So do you believe that pain exists?

Young Man: Yes.

Scholar: Show me the shape of the pain!

Young Man: I cannot.

Scholar: That is my first answer. All of us feel God's existence without being able to see His shape... Last night, did you dream that you will be slapped by me?

Young Man: No.

Scholar: Did you ever think that you will get a slap from me, today?

Young Man: No.

Scholar: That is fate my second answer...... .. My hand that I used to slap you, what is it created from?

Young Man: It is created from flesh.

Scholar: How about your face, what is it created from? Y
oung Man: Flesh.

Scholar: How do you feel after I slapped you?

Young Man: In pain.

Scholar: That's it... this is my third answer, Even though Devil and also the hell were created from the fire, if God wants,God willing , the hell will become a very painful place for devil.
God said: "If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you." If you are not ashamed, pass this message on...only if you believe.

How Heaven screens its Applicants

A man and his dog died together, and after death, were walking along a road. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.


When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?" "This is heaven, sir," the man answered. "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked. "Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going.


After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. "Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?" "Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there" The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in." "How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog. "There should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.



The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked. "This is heaven," was the answer. "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was heaven, too." "Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?" "No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind".

Hell exothermic or endothermic?

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased... Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.


One student, however, wrote the following: "First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze." This student received the only A!

TRUE LOVE

It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 a.m., when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him look at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer' s Disease . As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are? " He smiled as he patted my hand and said, " She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is." I had to hold back tears as he left. True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

MANAGEMENT FUNDAS

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means " I have already decided , I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well evenif you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means " Well I will tell you where your fault is "

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means, " I am not the only one to be blamed "

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means " u r in trouble."