Sunday, April 27, 2008
A Letter to Ex-Girlfriend
Thanks for being my love for one and half years, when you receive this letter I believe you might have selected a new boy friend and started enjoying your dating. Every lovers needs to struggle a bit to get a boy friend or girl friend.
In order to recover your missing, I got another girl from next street & as you know this is my forth love, from all my past experiences I have learned a lot. When the love blossoms everyone starts writing love letters, you know very well… I have written many love letter to you , and writing a love letter in poetic way is not so easy nowadays , and it's a time consuming work, In order to avoid all this I need all my lover letters back so that I can put corrector and send to my new girl friend , please send it back to me , I don't have poetic references or any photocopy of these letters.
Another thing , I have given you one cute photo of mine , can you send it to me please , you know better that this is the only photo I look very cute & handsome and this photo I have taken when I was in my very first love. And also, during my 1 ½ years of love days I have spend lot of monies for impressing you , I am attaching a list of expenses which I request you to clear it at the earliest.
The expenses are as follows:
Lunch / Dinner 895
Cool Drinks 2938
Snacks 5645
Juice 3845
Cinema 1235
Internet Chatting 1499
Mobile 2546
Petrol 4255
Gift Items 7850
Grand Total : 30,708 rs (in Words : Thrity Thousand Seven Hundred and Eight Rupees).
Please try to clear the above amount so that I can spend these monies on my new girl friend, and more over if you have any of my gift lying with you, am ready to take these packs in half prices. Please calculate the value of packs left over and deduct it from the above statement of account.
I am enclosing herewith your love letters (Weigh around 4 Kg) so that you no need to write again to your boy friend and your photo so that you can give to your new BF.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Golden Facts
2. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.
3. Death is hereditary.
4. There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
5. An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
6. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
7. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
8. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
9. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
10. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
11. Well done is better than well said.
12. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
13. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
14. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
15. Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.
16. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die .
Despair
The soundtrack taken is from the Japanese anime series "Jigoku shoujo : Girl from Hell"
Please see the end credits of the movie for more information.
Little Bobby
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
**************
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.
I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
**************
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,
So he tore up the letter and started over.
**************
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like
a red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
Your friend,
Bobby
**************
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
**************
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
**************
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
**************
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,
Bobby
**************
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church.
Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.
Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if anyone was there.
Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.
**************
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!
A Daugther's letter to her Father
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Steve because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Steve and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Steve said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Steve is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?
Steve has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Steve taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Steve can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
Rosie.
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".
Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS:
Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.
I love you!
Your loving daughter, Rosie
Scholar
A young man who went overseas to study for quite a long time. When he returned, he asked his parents to find him a religious scholar or any expert who could answer his 3 Questions.
Finally, his parents were able to find a scholar.
Young man: Who are you? Can you answer my questions?
Scholar: I am one of God willing, I will be able to answer your questions.
Young man: Are you sure? A lot of Professors and experts were not able to answer my questions.
Scholar: I will try my best, with the help of God .
Young Man: I have 3 questions:
1. Does God exist? If so, show me His shape.
2. What is fate?
3. If Devil was created from the fire, why at the end he will be thrown to hell that is also created from fire. It certainly will not hurt him at all, since Devil and the hell were created from fire. Did God not think of it this far?
Suddenly, the Scholar slapped the young man's face very hard.
Young Man(feeling pain): Why do you get angry at me?
Scholar: I am not angry. The slap is my answer to your three questions.
Young Man: I really don't understand.
Scholar: How do you feel after I slapped you?
Young Man: Of course, I felt the pain.
Scholar: So do you believe that pain exists?
Young Man: Yes.
Scholar: Show me the shape of the pain!
Young Man: I cannot.
Scholar: That is my first answer. All of us feel God's existence without being able to see His shape... Last night, did you dream that you will be slapped by me?
Young Man: No.
Scholar: Did you ever think that you will get a slap from me, today?
Young Man: No.
Scholar: That is fate my second answer...... .. My hand that I used to slap you, what is it created from?
Young Man: It is created from flesh.
Scholar: How about your face, what is it created from? Y
oung Man: Flesh.
Scholar: How do you feel after I slapped you?
Young Man: In pain.
Scholar: That's it... this is my third answer, Even though Devil and also the hell were created from the fire, if God wants,God willing , the hell will become a very painful place for devil.
God said: "If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you." If you are not ashamed, pass this message on...only if you believe.
How Heaven screens its Applicants
When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?" "This is heaven, sir," the man answered. "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked. "Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. "Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?" "Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there" The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in." "How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog. "There should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked. "This is heaven," was the answer. "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was heaven, too." "Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?" "No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind".
Hell exothermic or endothermic?
Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following: "First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze." This student received the only A!